More About Women

Back to my conversation with Esman.

After we discussed the deficiencies of the local custom for choosing spouses, and for keeping the sexes separate, he asked a very important question. He asked me why, since the divorce rate in America is around 50%, I think that the way Americans choose spouses and treat women is any better. I admit I had to think a while on that one.

After all, in America, women have had the right to vote for fewer than 100 years, and astonishingly few women exercise that obligation each voting cycle (of course, I believe that the percentage of people who register AND vote is embarrassingly small – everyone should register and vote!). Women still call each other out about whether they should stay home with the kids or go back to work. During my adult life, women have been given more opportunities to work in different types of jobs, whereas when I was in high school, women held typical “girl” jobs: secretary, nurse, teacher (especially elementary), and the like; however, women are still paid less than men for the same work. The number of women in America who are abused or killed by their boyfriends or husbands is astoundingly large. When it finally got down to it, all I could tell Esman is that in the United States, we get to choose the men we want to divorce (50% of us, anyway) rather than having someone else do it for us. And we get to enjoy the company of men all during our lives rather than just when we are preparing for marriage.

He kind of grinned at me, so I knew that I have a lot more thinking to do on this topic!

I really enjoy working with someone who is willing to share his ideas and thoughts with me so that I know more about this culture than I did when I got here, and I think it’s wonderful that he wants to know what I think. We have our conversations in conjunction with cases we are working on, and then talk about how those cases might be different in the United States. As many of you know, I am pretty straightforward and direct in what I have to say, and sometimes, my wry sense of humor comes through loud and clear. Every now and then, Esman looks shocked at what I say and then begins laughing. Then, ever the polite young man, he says, “I am not laughing at you or what you are saying. I am laughing because of the way you say it!” And I tell him that I think I shock him. He just laughs. All in all, I am going to have to look hard at the things I take for granted as being the accepted way to do things – such as finding a husband – and think about why we do those things the way we do.

Yesterday was my day off, and I did the usual – cleaned room (as opposed to cleaned house), wrote some, finished a couple of projects, did some work, and then watched a movie I had never heard of: Lead the Way, with Antonio Banderas. It was spectacular. The story, based on a real person and a real program, centered around a ballroom dance instructor who gets involved with some high school misfits in New York and teaches them how to dance. The movie tells the stories of some of these kids and how they live. I kept thinking that it is a miracle that anyone ever makes it out of such abject poverty and horrible living conditions.

On Thursday night, the spandex soldiers gave their last pizza party. They are leaving the camp, and they wanted to give us one more treat. I ate the cheese pizza and then had a couple of chunks of Parmigiano Reggiano cheese, which I will probably never grate again. I am going to eat it in chunks instead. Then they did the Nutella pizza again, and this time, put sliced bananas on top; they also served fresh pineapple that had been cut and frozen. It was wonderful.

My supervisor goes on leave in a few days, and I will be here with another justice adviser who is just returning from leave. Although I met him in Kabul before he went home, I don’t really know him, so this is going to be a new person and a new experience. I expect to spend some time observing more classrooms and then observing some of the people I work with as they mentor prosecutors, defense lawyers, and judges as they work with new laws. It ought to be interesting.

Huge is on leave, too, and another security person will be here in his stead. I will probably meet him tomorrow – and all I have to say is that he’d better be, well, huge!

All in all, it’s been a good couple of days, and I’m looking forward to going to church tomorrow night. I still think it’s kind of funny that the time difference allows me to go to Broadway Presbyterian every Sunday. It’s really as if I am not gone at all – except that I am not playing keyboards, but am instead listening to someone else play them!

Until Sunday.