Change in the Air

It's spring. Max and I put the top down on the car and drove at 10 this morning without freezing to death. The sun continues to shine today and I hear that the temperature has hit 82 degrees. I don't know what to think, but I haven't felt the languor of spring fever. Maybe that is because I haven't felt the dastardly iciness of winter this year. Our lives have undergone a complete turnaround in the past 9 months, and when I look back at it all, it takes my breath away.

Our daughter has graduated from college and has moved far away so that we can no longer buzz down on a Sunday afternoon and back on Monday afternoon so we can get an Emily fix. A good fried has died. My brother-in-law has died, after a year of living hell when he could not communicate or move or feed himself. We had to put down our blessed little Fluffy who had been a part of our family for 15 years. A friend with a long term illness has died. A young friend has died suddenly. The son of a friend has gotten married. My sweet cousin has had a baby. Another sweet cousin has been married, and I was the officiant. My mother has moved from her home to another house. I have struggled with stress from too much work. My husband has found a job that suits him well. We have celebrated Thanksgiving away from home and have driven two days to do it. Our daughter looks forward to receiving her master's degree in a few months. We got new carpet.

And yet, so much has stayed the same. The house, albeit the carpet, looks much the same. I still play the piano and organ each week, still spending every Wednesday night at choir practice. Max and I still cook dinner each night together, he the sous chef and I standing at the stove and stirring. I still worry about my weight. I still teach too many classes and have to grade too many papers. I still laugh at The Big Bang Theory. Emily and I still talk every day on the telephone, and I still count myself lucky that she wants to confide in me. I am yet again looking forward to spring break. I continue to question myself about what I want to be when I grow up. I drink wine with my mother once every week or so. I still plan vacations that I will never take. I still play for the praise team and am still surprised when I feel so energized after the service is concluded. I have the same friends and a few new ones. I still don't spend enough time with Vida. I still wonder what life has in store. I continue to dream about writing a book. And my book is still not finished.

I think we all grow up expecting life to be this exciting adventure, when really, life is simply a collection of short adventures that occur between long stretches of days when life gives us the opportunity to look around and see where we are - an opportunity many of us either take for granted, or do not take at all. I have come to uneasy terms with the gift of simple days, but I feel that something different is about to happen. Maybe the reason I feel that way is because so much has happened recently, and I am used to the upheaval. Whatever the reason, I look with trepidation and anticipation toward spring and what it will bring.