Electronic Nightmare

It all started when my computer screen kind of flickered, and then refused to light up. I kept hoping that I would see the familiar start-up screen, that all would be fine, that I would be able to access all my documents, grades, and checkbooks. I started to sweat when I realized that it was not to be, that my computer had gone dark for good.

Terrified and angry, I started saying very bad words very loudly, and continued doing so when I saw that the computer would not come to life even in the presence of such profanities. And why was I so paralyzed with fear? Because I couldn't remember when I had done my last backup, and even if I were able to remember it, I had no idea how to restore the darn thing. I finally told my husband what the uproar was all about, and he advised me to call his go-to computer guy, who is the smartest computer person on the face of the planet. After what the GTCG did for me, I tend to agree.

I was able to get in touch with him, and he was able to find time in his schedule to give my computer a once-over. I knew, deep in my heart, though, that the six-year-old HP was gone for good, and so I started looking for another one to replace it. Because I had purchased a teeny-tiny notebook, I rarely carried the laptop around anymore, and so I thought I could probably exist with a less expensive desktop model. As I checked prices, though, I found that desktops weren't as inexpensive as I had originally thought. I was becoming more and more depressed because I was not planning to spend any money on something as expensive as a computer - tires, maybe, but not a computer.

That was when my secretary called. When I bewailed my current situation, she reminded me that the bookstore at the local community college was selling, for a song, HP laptops; with my instructor's discount, that song would become a two-line melody. I was jubilant! I went to the bookstore, bought the little computer, and took it home, spending the next four hours installing all the software I knew I would need when GTCG was able to capture all my data on a disk or some other device about which I know little to nothing. I also set up my e-mail account and began receiving all kinds of e-mails, because my on line class had just begun.

And I waited. The GTCG called to confirm that my computer was, in fact, dead, and that he could retrieve most of my information, but NOT my e-mails. I hit panic mode. Those e-mails were chronicles of my life - my teaching life, my law life, my personal life, and my life in general. Why couldn't he retrieve them? He explained that to be the nature of the beast - e-mail cannot be retrieved. Once it is gone, it is gone - unless, however, a smart person has transferred the e-mails to a "cloud." It all seems so complicated. But I shall move on.

I waited, almost afraid to breathe, for him to transfer the data on my dead computer to the new oner, and my patience was rewarded. The computer went to him, the data went on, and I prepared for my next big event - a bankruptcy hearing.

Prior to the hearing, I had to transfer some pdf. documents to the Court's web site. So I put the documents in my scanner, pushed the button . . . and saw nothing I recognized. Something was wrong with my scanner! It was trying to scan a document to a .jpeg file! I DID NOT want a picture! I NEEDED a .pdf document! I checked the properties. Only picture formats showed up. There was no .pdf. Now I was beginning to get really mad. Not only was I going to have to buy a new computer, I was going to have to get a scanner, as well.

I rationalized this irritation by telling myself that I had lost my 15-year-old copier a few weeks before, so I was going to have to buy a copier regardless; I could just get an all-in-one and have a new copier and a scanner that would work with my new operating system (Windows 7), which I believed to be the root of the problem. So to Staples I went.

I found a reasonably priced HP all-in-one printer and bought it. It was wireless, so Max would be able to use it, too, from his new perch in the house; it also had a top feeder for multi-page copying, which would come in handy with long documents such as bankruptcy petitions. I was feeling a little better, and even a little anticipatory about playing with my new toy. I unpacked it and hooked it up. I made one copy, and then another, using the top feeder, and everything was working well. My nerves were starting to settle down when I tried the scanner. I put the paper in, pushed the button, and saw only picture suffixes available, such as .jpeg or .bitmap. This simply could not be happening.

Too mentally exhausted to do anything about it at the time, I decided to just quit for the day and worry about it when I next had time, probably on Saturday, a couple of days away. In the meantime, I just kept my old printer hooked up to the computer, and made copies as necessary.

Saturday arrived, and I worked and worked with the scanning portion of my new piece of equipment and finally found a fix that allowed the document to scan as a .pdf as I needed. It took four hours to get to that success. Max was using the printer from downstairs in the living room, and I decided that this printer would be all right, even though the scanning portion was more work than the scanner I had before.

The next week, I continued to get used to my new computer and printer, and then I noticed that something was wrong with my e-mail. Prior to my new system, when I downloaded e-mail to my main computer, it didn't appear on any of my other devices, such as my teeny-tiny notebook or my smart phone. If I downloaded e-mail to my smart phone, it would still download to my main computer OR to my teeny-tiny notebook. Any e-mail that downloaded to my teeny-tiny notebook would stay there and not download afterward to my main computer. This was somewhat irritating, but it was workable, and over time, I got used to it.

Now, when I downloaded e-mail to my main computer, it didn't stay on my main computer; when I opened up the e-mail on my teeny-tiny notebook, all the e-mail on my main computer would disappear and re-appear on the notebook! What was worse, ALL my e-mail downloaded to my smart phone, not once, not twice, but over and over and over! I was, as my grandmother used to say, fit to be tied.

I sat down to figure this one out, and after a few more hours, found the problem to be the difference in IMAP and POP. I have no idea what each is, but I know they are different, and I know that the IMAP was causing the problem. So I was able to fix the part that had my e-mail disappearing from one computer to another; however, the smart phone still got all the e-mail over and over, and the teeny-tiny notebook got all the e-mail that went to the main computer earlier in the day. As long, however, as it stayed on the main computer, I decided that I could live with it until I calmed down.

The next week, I started to make copies on my new printer/copier, using the top feeder. Just as the page was about to disappear into the belly of the beast, the beast stopped working. Stopped. I got an error message: "Paper Feed Mispick." So I laboriously lifted the lid, worked gently with the paper, and pulled it out. Then I re-set the copier and started again. Stopped. Just as before, I got an error message, and just as before, I gently worked the paper free and re-set. Once again, I started the process, and once again, the paper stopped. This time, not so gently, I ripped the paper from the feeder and gave up. I decided then and there that this printer was a piece of junk and needed to go back to Staples.

So on Saturday, when I had time, I started packing up the dreadful machine when Max stopped me. He told me that he didn't think Staples took back electronic equipment, that we would have to send the printer to HP. I couldn't believe it, and right away called Staples to find that he was right. Staples had a two-week deadline, and I was one day past it. Furious, I started to call HP, but decided that I should probably wait until I cooled down.

So on Monday, I called HP and got a very nice tech support guy who took me through step after step, time after time, and finally concluded that I either had a defective product or had done something that screwed it up after I purchased it and plugged it in. He was too nice to say the latter, however, and agreed that HP should send me a new machine. He said it would take 7 - 10 days to arrive, and when it did arrive, I should call and get someone to step me through hooking it up. He gave me a case number and told me to have a good day. Good day, hah! I was STILL without a copier and a scanner that worked, and I was at least 10 days away from hoping to have one. I thought I would scream, but I was too tired and disappointed.

So imagine my surprise when, yesterday, a mere two days after my call, I opened the door and found a BIG box which contained my new printer/scanner/copier/FAX machine! I was very happy, but I didn't want to rush upstairs to try to install it because I had to go to choir practice and would not be able to sit down with the tech support people to get the job done. In fact, I decided I could wait until Friday, so that I would have enough time to listen to what tech support was saying and follow the instructions to the letter. I was breathing easily.

This morning, however, my helpful husband, who wants nothing more than to make my life easier, went upstairs without my noticing, and by the time I found him, he had unpacked the big box and was putting the printer on its new home. My usual morning routine has me on the treadmill by 9 so that I can get to class by 11; I must exercise almost every day or I get fat and stressed out. Unfortunately, I had to call HP to set up the printer before I could do anything, and doing so took so much time that I didn't have enough time to get on the treadmill. Max didn't know that, though, so I won't hold it against him.

To end a long story - by this time, nothing will make it short - I talked with HP's tech support, the instructor gave great directions, and now I have a printer that prints, a copier that will copy from the top feeder, and a scanner that will scan documents to .pdf. At this point today, life is good.

Now if I can just figure out the e-mail mess . .