April 2.  Not only are we in the middle of a pandemic, Max and I are getting ready to move from the home where we have lived for 30 years.  In a normal time, that would be a daunting task: do you have any idea how much stuff accumulates in a large house in 30 years' time?  A lot.  But now, when the world has slowed and we haven't, it seems as if the job will not get done.

And yet it must.

Where we are today:  The governors of some southern states, Florida included, have finally issued some semi-stay-at-home orders.  I fear that Florida's edict is too late to do as much good as it could, but at least it's something.  The governor made his order only after talking with President Trump.  I think he didn't want to upset the President, but he was getting a lot of heat from other government officials to shut down the state.  On another front, while states such as Kentucky and Oklahoma are getting the hospital supplies they need, Michigan and a couple other states are not.  The President has said that governors of states that ask the Federal government for help should show appreciation.  Apparently, the governor of Michigan, a woman (imagine that), isn't being appreciative enough to get what her people need.  This is beyond comprehension.  Lives are at stake and are being chosen based on a narcissist's whims.  And so far, almost 5,000 Americans have died, many of them without anyone at their sides - the virus.  Unimaginable.

And then, my friend Terry lost his wife this week - not to the virus, but to a horrible disease called pulmonary hypertension.  We had hoped that her double lung transplant would save her, alas, to no avail. And I don't know whether the virus kept Terry from her as she slipped away  So the week goes and brings more sadness.

Beating out my general anger over things such as "appreciation" is a deepening sense of despair.  I'm not afraid.  I'm not feeling claustrophobic.  I'm feeling as if nothing will ever be the same.  Not only is the world changing around me and so many others, but my world is changing, too.  We are leaving the home where innumerable people have come, dined, drunk wine, sat around the fire, and generally enjoyed just being.  In a few weeks, that will all change, and I have come to realize how much a part of my life that is.  I will still be able to play the piano, although I do not play as well as I used to, I will still be able to laugh at funny movies, and I will still love Cary Grant in anything.  But the part of my life that centers around feeding people with food and togetherness will go on hiatus.

Perhaps someday, we will be able to go outside again without masks, without the threat of a virus that kills people, and perhaps someday, I will again try to feed people's souls.

We have been inside since March 15, me more than Max.  It has been an interesting time, but I do believe it is starting to wear on me.

Where we are:  New York has been hardest with the coronavirus (Covid-19), with people's becoming sick and dying at an almost-unheard of rate.  The City is setting up field hospitals at the US Open Tennis compound, in the Javitts Center, wherever they can find places large enough to hold thousands of patients.  A Navy hospital ship has docked in New York, and it will be for non-Covid patients.  The City is pretty much locked down, with Governor Cuomo's issuing a stay-at-home order.

Other states suffer as well, but not nearly as much; regardless, almost 200,000 cases have been diagnosed, and the death rate is above 2%. 

Missouri's governor refuses to issue stay-at-home orders, refuses to shut down businesses, refuses to do anything that might make it appear that he is defying the President, who takes this pandemic with his usual nonchalance and lack of candor.  Regardless of that, Kansas City's mayor has issued an order, as has St. Louis's.  Missouri's cases jumped by 600% yesterday.

How we got where we are:  Beginning when the first signs of this virus started showing up, the President started issuing edicts with no basis in fact.  He began early, telling the country that the US had only 15 cases, and that they would soon be down to zero.  He then said that the virus would "miraculously," and that's a quote, disappear in April.  He never issued a stay-at-home order.  He then said that we can't shut down the economy for this virus; after all, car accidents kill 41,000 people a year and we don't shut down the economy for that.  He later dictated that we would open the country back up on Easter.  It would be a "beautiful" day, with churches packed full of joyous worshippers.  This week, however, for some reason, he listened to Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx, two infectious disease specialists who are now-household names, and said that Easter will not work.  He said we should plan to stay inside through April.  Even with that, Dr. Birx said that if we do EVERYTHING right, EVERYTHING, including STAYING AT HOME, we could lose 100,000 to 240,000 Americans to this virus.

People other than the President have also been denying the obvious.  Not everyone is staying home.  Hobby Lobby tried to stay open.  Then they laid off people via e-mail.  Bass Pro refuses to shut down, and Kansas City has said that if they don't shut down, law enforcement will be called. 30 governors have shut down their states, including Kansas.  20 have not. 

While others' lives have changed immensely - schools have shut down and kids go to class on Zoom, no church services, no choir practice, restaurants make only take-out food, and fast food drive-through is open - my life has remained pretty much the same.  I spend most days indoors anyway, grading papers on line, practicing law by filing documents on line, talking to people on the phone, and writing my column.  The largest difference is that Max is home now, as the Missouri Public Defender, unlike the governor, is taking this seriously and has issued a work from home order.  He works in his chair downstairs, and I work in my office upstairs.

We are getting along fine - and by that I mean we are able to withstand the being at home all the time AND being at home all the time and not arguing about anything.

I find myself becoming angry when I think of how this entire episode has been mishandled by the government, specifically the President, and how we as Americans are not being led in a meaningful way.  As much as I didn't really care for George W. Bush, I admire the way he got us through 9/11.  If you recall, he was on Air Force One when much of the tragedy was unfolding, and Dick Cheney told him to stay away from Washington.  Bush defied him, came back, and led us through the next dark days, even going to New York and speaking to the workers over the bullhorn.  We should expect leadership like that.  We are not getting it, and I am afraid that because of the four weeks of denial, our country will suffer unimaginable loss, much of it unnecessary.

I need to write every day, because I want to have a record of these days.  I think they will go on for some time, and I hope they are never repeated.